2. God will not stop us from making wrong choices.
God loves us. One who loves does not force. He tells us what to do. We can choose not to listen. Consider the prodigal son. It was the right of the father to strike his son down for asking for his inheritance early, but he did not. He allowed his son to go out into the world, and to make mistakes. Jesus taught this parable to show the love God has for us as our father, and the choices He allows us to make.
One can look as far back as Adam and Eve, and see that God did not stand over His creation and force them to stay away from the forbidden fruit. He knew the cost of disobedience, but Adam and Eve had the option to disobey. There are countless examples of this throughout the Bible.
Lot’s wife chose to look back on Sodom and Gomorrah. Moses chose to lack faith in God, and to strike the rock to make water come out in the desert. David chose to sleep with Bathsheba, and to have Uriah killed. Samson chose to marry Delilah. Judas Iscariot chose to betray Jesus to his death. God did not intercede in any of these instances to stop mistakes from being made. He sometimes used these mistakes for His good. He so loves us that he allows us to make our own mistakes.
That doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences for our actions. Lot’s wife was turned to a pillar of salt. Moses was kept from ever entering the holy land. Judas Iscariot was so consumed by guilt that he took his own life. The important key is to realize when we’ve made such mistakes, and repent. There will usually still be consequences, but they may not be nearly as severe as the consequences would be if we continued down the wrong path. David repented, and so was allowed to remain God’s chosen. The child who was the product of his sin, however, still died, and there was disharmony in his household through all his days. These were the consequences of the wrong choice the Lord allowed David to make because He loved him too much to force him to do the right thing.
God loves us all the same, and we have the great fortune of being saved by grace. When we make wrong choices we have to admit it, and repent. Sometimes we can learn more about God through these mistakes, but only if we’re willing to admit our mistake. We have to make that choice. God will never force us.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Mistakes, part 1
Mistakes
Through this experience of coming to Korea, and having God show me the error of the path I was on I have learned a lot about mistakes. This is a lot I didn’t know before, and may have never learned had I not admitted the error of my own ways. God has shown me how He can use our mistakes for His good. I write this hoping some in the same place as me, or maybe some who are currently blindly following the wrong path can use it to help them get back to where God wants them to be. I hope everyone will get something out of it, and will be able to grow closer to God through this. There are 14 distinct things I have learned about when we make mistakes, and I hope sharing them will help others see through their own mistakes before they are blinded by them as long as I was.
1.We will all make mistakes
This point is the most obvious. We are all human, and to err is human. Mistakes can be as minor as forgetting to buy something at the grocery store, or as major as committing adultery. Even if we’re doing all the right things, following the right path, and serving God right we will still make mistakes. Anyone working in fulltime ministry will tell you this is true. Making mistakes is inevitable. It can’t be helped. Our failures play as large a part in our lives as our successes.
The important thing is not to be consumed by your failures, or to let them to destroy you. Ask for forgiveness if your mistake caused you to sin in some way, and accept that forgiveness. Get over it, and move on. Don’t let your mistakes consume you, or to make you feel worthless. You believe in a God who loved you enough to send His son to die on a cross for you. You are not worthless. Do not be defined by your mistakes, but by grace.
Accept that mistakes will be made. Pray that God will help you make as few mistakes as possible, but remember the word few. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can ever avoid making mistakes. God is God, and we are man. We will always make mistakes.
Through this experience of coming to Korea, and having God show me the error of the path I was on I have learned a lot about mistakes. This is a lot I didn’t know before, and may have never learned had I not admitted the error of my own ways. God has shown me how He can use our mistakes for His good. I write this hoping some in the same place as me, or maybe some who are currently blindly following the wrong path can use it to help them get back to where God wants them to be. I hope everyone will get something out of it, and will be able to grow closer to God through this. There are 14 distinct things I have learned about when we make mistakes, and I hope sharing them will help others see through their own mistakes before they are blinded by them as long as I was.
1.We will all make mistakes
This point is the most obvious. We are all human, and to err is human. Mistakes can be as minor as forgetting to buy something at the grocery store, or as major as committing adultery. Even if we’re doing all the right things, following the right path, and serving God right we will still make mistakes. Anyone working in fulltime ministry will tell you this is true. Making mistakes is inevitable. It can’t be helped. Our failures play as large a part in our lives as our successes.
The important thing is not to be consumed by your failures, or to let them to destroy you. Ask for forgiveness if your mistake caused you to sin in some way, and accept that forgiveness. Get over it, and move on. Don’t let your mistakes consume you, or to make you feel worthless. You believe in a God who loved you enough to send His son to die on a cross for you. You are not worthless. Do not be defined by your mistakes, but by grace.
Accept that mistakes will be made. Pray that God will help you make as few mistakes as possible, but remember the word few. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can ever avoid making mistakes. God is God, and we are man. We will always make mistakes.
Getting back where I belong
Well, I’ve been in Korea for a month now, and I’ve kept pretty silent. Sure, I’ve updated Facebook and Twitter, but I’ve avoided discussing the thing I really need to with most people. I’ve felt too ashamed to admit the truth to everyone. I was afraid of people being angry, judging, or even feeling betrayed. I was afraid people wouldn’t understand. That doesn’t matter. I need to admit the truth. That truth is from the first day me and Ashley arrived in Korea we knew we were heading down the wrong path for our lives.
I thought for years this was the right thing to do, but I was wrong. I was very wrong. This is not the path God intended for my life. This was my way to run from God, and pretend like I was still going on a path He set before me. I was easily able to justify it, and convince others it was right. I lied to myself, and in turn lied to others. For that I ask forgiveness. Admitting this was wrong was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It was terrifying because it took a while for to get what this meant. It rocked everything in me. Everything. In the end I think that was why God let me do it. I needed a big jolt to realize what He had in store for me. As I’d been like Jonah running away I needed to spend some time in the belly of the fish to turn back around.
Years ago I felt the call into full time ministry. I first felt it clearly while on a youth trip in San Diego, CA with First Baptist Fountain Hills. It was a call I was afraid to admit I felt. I had countless excuses. Not only did I feel incapable, but I wasn’t trusting of the church. I was angry and bitter toward it because of the things in my life that were and still are drastically different because churches my Dad had pastored so mistreated him. I still worshiped the Lord, and loved His son, but was too resentful to see the good in the church. I was also too insecure to see how I was capable of leading for God.
I wanted to serve God, but not how He wanted me to. He gave me the gift to write, but I was afraid to use it. I was ready and willing to be a missionary. I was willing to be a professor so I could be a good mentor to those on their own for the first time in college. I was willing to do anything but write, and be a minister.
The amazing thing is that God took me on a carefully organized journey to help me get past all my excuses. When I was in college and still quite upset with the church He led me to Northside Baptist Church in Greenwood, SC. There I met many great people, and saw many great ministries. My wife and I learned to be happy in the church again. At that point I regained a willingness to go into the ministry, but my own insecurities kept holding me back. I knew I should have talked to Pastor Jeff Lethco, Travis Agnew, or anyone else about my calling, but I was afraid. I just didn’t feel able to serve God how He called me to. I didn’t feel good enough to serve alongside others God had chosen for ministry. I wish I could have because I feel like I was meant to do a lot more at Northside than fill a seat, but my insecurities kept me from pursuing such an opportunity.
The next step in the journey was God’s way to show me that my insecurities were nothing. He led me and Ashley to Charleston, SC, and there we became members of Seacoast Church. Greg Surratt is the pastor of that church, and he had a major influence on me. He is a great and very honest minister. He regularly talked about the insecurities he had about being a minister. He talked about how he was afraid to speak in front of others, and how he gave crappy sermons the first couple of times he tried. Pretty much every excuse he talked about having were all excuses I had. He chose to listen to God’s calling, however, and now he’s the head pastor of a church with over 10,000 members. A church he started, and that has influenced so many people for Christ across this globe. A church I should have volunteered and served at, but I was still afraid.
Truthfully, I’ve always struggled with understanding grace. How could Jesus die for me, and forgive me just because I ask? Do I really just have to ask? Perhaps, but does that mean I deserve it? I wanted to feel like I deserved that grace. I didn’t understand that grace had saved me, and enabled me to be a part of a great church like Seacoast. Another church where I felt the pull to play a more active role, but I didn’t. I should have, but I failed. I allowed my time there to pass by because I had concocted another path for myself that I hoped would earn the grace I didn’t feel like I deserved. I felt like I had to do something really drastic so that I could really be forgiven. I ignored the ability to serve at Seacoast, and the chance soon passed me by when me and Ashley had to move again.
This time we were led to Hartsville, SC. Me and Ashley did not want to live there at all. Our original resentment toward church had come from being a part of Baptist churches in small towns. We knew they weren’t places ruled by God, but places led by deacons, and the person who gave the most money to the offering. When we came to love church again we still believed it true that churches in small towns were not to be trusted. That changed when we started going to Emmanuel Baptist Church, and saw the good God was doing through it. Gary Colbach led that church with strength and honesty, and all those serving with Him were the type of people we’d forgotten went to small town churches. They served the Lord with enthusiasm, and God used them to show us the sin in our prejudice against churches in small towns. He once again gave me the pull to serve, and I listened. To a point.
There was a short time I came close to realizing the truth. I realized that the desire to go overseas was just a desire of my own, and not of Gods. I let it go for a very short time. Unfortunately, as time wore on, and as I struggled to find work for an extended period of time I started to feel the need to do something drastic to change my circumstances once again. As me and Ashley had to move from Hartsville, and first live with her parents, and then my parents I became more insecure in myself and my abilities than I’d ever been.
I spent a year and a half out of work, and felt truly ashamed. All the having to live with parents happened during the year we were planning on being overseas, and I took that as a sign. I thought it meant we were supposed to be overseas that year, and things weren’t going to work out for us until we went. It was easy to believe because I was so desperate to actually take care of my wife for the first time since we go married. I’d spent every year since we got married never making the money to take care of us. I spent a year and a half making no money at all, and the guilt just ate away at me. I had to do something, and going overseas was the way to find a quick solution without having to choose a defined path for my life. At this point I had so buried my calling that even though I considered seminary I barely considered real ministry. That said, coming to Korea was perhaps the right choice, but it only was because it was God’s way to show me I was on the wrong path. Whether or not coming was the right choice I know that going back is.
Sure, I could find a bunch of things to complain about as reasons to come back, but they would just be excuses. I would actually recommend such an experience to those who would do it for the right reasons. The truth is I have to go back early because of what God already used this trip to show me. He used it to reset my head, and to set me back onto the right path. For so many years I still desired to serve Him, but not in the way He created me to. I worked hard to create a different path for myself where I could still serve Him, and avoid the ministry. I blinded myself to the real work I was supposed to be doing at the great churches He led me to. The first day I got here He showed me what I was doing was wrong, and spent the next couple of weeks helping me to finally accept the truth.
I spent so many years running that it took me being in the exact situation I’m in now for me to realize the truth. I’m finally ready to stop running. I’m ready to overcome my insecurities, and accept who I am. God gave me the gift to write, and I’m ready to use it. God created me to be a minster, and I’m ready to be one. I may not be certain yet if He intends for me to be the leader of a church, one who serves another leader of a church, a chaplain in the military, or all of these at different points in my life. I don’t really need to know. It doesn’t really matter right now. I just know I have to get off this wrong path, and go back to the right one. I have to go back to the US, and follow the path he’s set before me. I can no longer run.
I knew what was right for so long, and was too afraid to admit it. When I prayed about going overseas I never really felt authentic. I brushed it off as nerves. Now I know I didn’t feel authentic because I wasn’t being authentic. I wasn’t really being who I was meant to be. I was lying to myself. The path I’d set myself on was being used to keep me from who I was meant to be. I was insecure in my writing ability, and so found a path that wouldn’t depend on it. I feared I could not speak and have influence on others, and so I found a way to not have to. I lied to myself for so many years that I consider it a miracle that God was actually able to bring me back to where I was meant to be.
My biggest regret now is not accepting the truth sooner. I could have served others at Northside, Seacoast, Emmanuel, or at another amazing church God allowed me to be a part of, Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC. I was afraid, but I am past that. I must forgive myself for not accepting this before because I know God has forgiven me. I am ready to write. I am ready to minister. I am ready to be who I am. I am quite happy this has happened, and praise God for knowing exactly what had to be done for me to come back to the right path. I now understand how He lives outside time, and how He can see just what needs to be done in our lives to lead us to where we need to be. I love Him, and praise Him for performing such a miracle on my behalf.
I thought for years this was the right thing to do, but I was wrong. I was very wrong. This is not the path God intended for my life. This was my way to run from God, and pretend like I was still going on a path He set before me. I was easily able to justify it, and convince others it was right. I lied to myself, and in turn lied to others. For that I ask forgiveness. Admitting this was wrong was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It was terrifying because it took a while for to get what this meant. It rocked everything in me. Everything. In the end I think that was why God let me do it. I needed a big jolt to realize what He had in store for me. As I’d been like Jonah running away I needed to spend some time in the belly of the fish to turn back around.
Years ago I felt the call into full time ministry. I first felt it clearly while on a youth trip in San Diego, CA with First Baptist Fountain Hills. It was a call I was afraid to admit I felt. I had countless excuses. Not only did I feel incapable, but I wasn’t trusting of the church. I was angry and bitter toward it because of the things in my life that were and still are drastically different because churches my Dad had pastored so mistreated him. I still worshiped the Lord, and loved His son, but was too resentful to see the good in the church. I was also too insecure to see how I was capable of leading for God.
I wanted to serve God, but not how He wanted me to. He gave me the gift to write, but I was afraid to use it. I was ready and willing to be a missionary. I was willing to be a professor so I could be a good mentor to those on their own for the first time in college. I was willing to do anything but write, and be a minister.
The amazing thing is that God took me on a carefully organized journey to help me get past all my excuses. When I was in college and still quite upset with the church He led me to Northside Baptist Church in Greenwood, SC. There I met many great people, and saw many great ministries. My wife and I learned to be happy in the church again. At that point I regained a willingness to go into the ministry, but my own insecurities kept holding me back. I knew I should have talked to Pastor Jeff Lethco, Travis Agnew, or anyone else about my calling, but I was afraid. I just didn’t feel able to serve God how He called me to. I didn’t feel good enough to serve alongside others God had chosen for ministry. I wish I could have because I feel like I was meant to do a lot more at Northside than fill a seat, but my insecurities kept me from pursuing such an opportunity.
The next step in the journey was God’s way to show me that my insecurities were nothing. He led me and Ashley to Charleston, SC, and there we became members of Seacoast Church. Greg Surratt is the pastor of that church, and he had a major influence on me. He is a great and very honest minister. He regularly talked about the insecurities he had about being a minister. He talked about how he was afraid to speak in front of others, and how he gave crappy sermons the first couple of times he tried. Pretty much every excuse he talked about having were all excuses I had. He chose to listen to God’s calling, however, and now he’s the head pastor of a church with over 10,000 members. A church he started, and that has influenced so many people for Christ across this globe. A church I should have volunteered and served at, but I was still afraid.
Truthfully, I’ve always struggled with understanding grace. How could Jesus die for me, and forgive me just because I ask? Do I really just have to ask? Perhaps, but does that mean I deserve it? I wanted to feel like I deserved that grace. I didn’t understand that grace had saved me, and enabled me to be a part of a great church like Seacoast. Another church where I felt the pull to play a more active role, but I didn’t. I should have, but I failed. I allowed my time there to pass by because I had concocted another path for myself that I hoped would earn the grace I didn’t feel like I deserved. I felt like I had to do something really drastic so that I could really be forgiven. I ignored the ability to serve at Seacoast, and the chance soon passed me by when me and Ashley had to move again.
This time we were led to Hartsville, SC. Me and Ashley did not want to live there at all. Our original resentment toward church had come from being a part of Baptist churches in small towns. We knew they weren’t places ruled by God, but places led by deacons, and the person who gave the most money to the offering. When we came to love church again we still believed it true that churches in small towns were not to be trusted. That changed when we started going to Emmanuel Baptist Church, and saw the good God was doing through it. Gary Colbach led that church with strength and honesty, and all those serving with Him were the type of people we’d forgotten went to small town churches. They served the Lord with enthusiasm, and God used them to show us the sin in our prejudice against churches in small towns. He once again gave me the pull to serve, and I listened. To a point.
There was a short time I came close to realizing the truth. I realized that the desire to go overseas was just a desire of my own, and not of Gods. I let it go for a very short time. Unfortunately, as time wore on, and as I struggled to find work for an extended period of time I started to feel the need to do something drastic to change my circumstances once again. As me and Ashley had to move from Hartsville, and first live with her parents, and then my parents I became more insecure in myself and my abilities than I’d ever been.
I spent a year and a half out of work, and felt truly ashamed. All the having to live with parents happened during the year we were planning on being overseas, and I took that as a sign. I thought it meant we were supposed to be overseas that year, and things weren’t going to work out for us until we went. It was easy to believe because I was so desperate to actually take care of my wife for the first time since we go married. I’d spent every year since we got married never making the money to take care of us. I spent a year and a half making no money at all, and the guilt just ate away at me. I had to do something, and going overseas was the way to find a quick solution without having to choose a defined path for my life. At this point I had so buried my calling that even though I considered seminary I barely considered real ministry. That said, coming to Korea was perhaps the right choice, but it only was because it was God’s way to show me I was on the wrong path. Whether or not coming was the right choice I know that going back is.
Sure, I could find a bunch of things to complain about as reasons to come back, but they would just be excuses. I would actually recommend such an experience to those who would do it for the right reasons. The truth is I have to go back early because of what God already used this trip to show me. He used it to reset my head, and to set me back onto the right path. For so many years I still desired to serve Him, but not in the way He created me to. I worked hard to create a different path for myself where I could still serve Him, and avoid the ministry. I blinded myself to the real work I was supposed to be doing at the great churches He led me to. The first day I got here He showed me what I was doing was wrong, and spent the next couple of weeks helping me to finally accept the truth.
I spent so many years running that it took me being in the exact situation I’m in now for me to realize the truth. I’m finally ready to stop running. I’m ready to overcome my insecurities, and accept who I am. God gave me the gift to write, and I’m ready to use it. God created me to be a minster, and I’m ready to be one. I may not be certain yet if He intends for me to be the leader of a church, one who serves another leader of a church, a chaplain in the military, or all of these at different points in my life. I don’t really need to know. It doesn’t really matter right now. I just know I have to get off this wrong path, and go back to the right one. I have to go back to the US, and follow the path he’s set before me. I can no longer run.
I knew what was right for so long, and was too afraid to admit it. When I prayed about going overseas I never really felt authentic. I brushed it off as nerves. Now I know I didn’t feel authentic because I wasn’t being authentic. I wasn’t really being who I was meant to be. I was lying to myself. The path I’d set myself on was being used to keep me from who I was meant to be. I was insecure in my writing ability, and so found a path that wouldn’t depend on it. I feared I could not speak and have influence on others, and so I found a way to not have to. I lied to myself for so many years that I consider it a miracle that God was actually able to bring me back to where I was meant to be.
My biggest regret now is not accepting the truth sooner. I could have served others at Northside, Seacoast, Emmanuel, or at another amazing church God allowed me to be a part of, Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC. I was afraid, but I am past that. I must forgive myself for not accepting this before because I know God has forgiven me. I am ready to write. I am ready to minister. I am ready to be who I am. I am quite happy this has happened, and praise God for knowing exactly what had to be done for me to come back to the right path. I now understand how He lives outside time, and how He can see just what needs to be done in our lives to lead us to where we need to be. I love Him, and praise Him for performing such a miracle on my behalf.
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